When it comes to humor, there’s nothing like a little twist to keep things interesting. If you’re a fan of ice cream and love a good laugh, we’ve got the perfect treat for you – a collection of delightfully dirty ice cream jokes! These cheeky, pun-filled quips are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you crave a scoop (or two) of your favorite frozen dessert.
While these jokes may not be suitable for all audiences, they’re guaranteed to add a little extra flavor to your next adult gathering or late-night ice cream indulgence. So, grab a cone and dive into this melting pot of humor that’s as irresistible as your favorite sundae!
Adult Ice Cream Jokes
What do you get when you have rough sex in an ice cream parlor?
A sore bae.
What do you call a group of Goth people eating ice cream?
Depressed á la móde.
Why couldn’t the color blind man sell ice cream?
His cones don’t work.
There was a shoe salesman sitting in his store when a beautiful woman comes in. He looks at her and can’t stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn’t wearing any panties. He started thinking and something slipped out. The man said “I’d like to fill your pu$$y with ice cream and lick it all out!” Hearing this the woman runs out to tell her husband.
She says, “Honey, this shoe salesman said he’d like to fill my pu$$y up with ice cream and lick it all out!” “Now go kick his ass!”
The husband replied, “Dear, anyone that can eat that much ice cream, I ain’t fcuking with!”
A local Ice-cream vendor was found dead in his van surrounded by sprinkles.
Police said he’d topped himself!
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say when his friend asked if he had any ice cream in his fridge?
“Nah man only Ben And Jerry.”
A penguin is driving to the mall when his engine begins to run quite rough and smoke begins to emerge from under the hood. Fortunately, a vehicle repair shop is immediately next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he’ll be pleased to look into it, but it won’t be for a few hours. Fine, says the penguin, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally, the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, “Have you had time to look at my engine?”
The mechanic says, “Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin says, “No, that’s just ice cream.”
What do you get when you put a bomb into a French emperor’s ice cream?
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Why doesn’t god like ice cream?
Because he’s isn’t real.
A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop.
Kid: I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate, please.
Clerk: Sorry kid, we’re out of chocolate.
Kid: OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.
Clerk: No, no, you don’t understand, it’s chocolate we’re out of.
Kid: Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.
Clerk: Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?
Kid: Sure! V-A-N.
Clerk: Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?
Kid: Sure! S-T-R-A-W!
Clerk: Can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?
Kid: There is no FUCK in chocolate!
Clerk: THAT’S what I’m trying to tell you.
What did the blind man order from the ice cream truck?
An i-see pop.
Did you hear about the orphan kid who asked a man to give him some ice cream?
He said, “I only have family packs.”
Little Johnny’s parents desired some ‘alone time’ together, so they sent him out onto the porch with an ice cream sandwich. Not wanting the youngster to finish too quickly, his mother devised a plan to keep him occupied.
“While you’re eating that,” she said, “watch the neighborhood and tell us everything interesting you see.”
Johnny’s parents heard him yell his first report a few minutes into their lovemaking, “The Hendersons got a new car!”
“That’s great!” exclaimed his mother. “Keep looking!”
After some time had passed, Johnny exclaimed, “The Smiths are planting flowers!”
“Good job!” exclaimed his father. “Keep looking!”
After another minute, Johnny exclaimed for the third time, “Mister and Missus Johnson are having sex!”
Johnny’s parents abruptly stopped their own activity. After a moment of silence, his mother replied, “How do you know that they’re having sex, Johnny?”
“Because Billy Johnson is eating an ice cream sandwich on their porch!”
What do a mentally disabled man and the ice cream machine from Mcdonald’s have in common?
They will never work a day in their life.
Why did the fighter jet cross the road?
To get to the ice cream parlour.
A teacher poses a basic math problem to her students.
“There are three birds on a wire; one is shot; how many remain?”
“There are none left,” says Little Johnny, “once the one bird was shot, the other two flew away.”
Johnny’s teacher tells him he’s wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.
“May I ask you a question now, teach?” Johnny said.
She admires his inquisitive nature and encourages him to pursue his doubts.
Johnny continues, “There are 3 women coming out of an ice cream shop, each with a cone: one is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?”
The teacher thinks for a second and replies, “Well, I guess I would say the one who is sucking it!”
Johnny replies, “No, it’s the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think!”
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A guy named Gaylord made an ice cream company
You don’t want to know what the vanilla is…!
Katie hurried straight to her grandparents’ house after learning that her elderly grandfather had died, to console her 95-year-old grandmother. When her grandma was asked how her grandfather died, she said, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Katie, terrified, told her that having intercourse with two persons approaching 100 years old was a recipe for disaster.
“Oh no, my dear,” Grandmother responds. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we determined that the best time to do it would be when the church bells began to ring.”
“It was the perfect rhythm. Smooth, slow, and even. Nothing too tough, just in and out on the Ding and Dong.”
She pauses to wipe away a tear, and continued, ”He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”
Do you know that you can’t make water cum?
But you can make ice cream.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a bus.
A husband came home with half gallon a of ice cream.
He asked his wife if she wanted some.
“How hard is it?” she asked.
“About as hard as my dick,” he replied.
“Pour me some.”
What do you call someone who sells their body for Wendy’s ice cream?
One day, a wife said to her husband, “Why is the laptop all sticky?”
The husband said, “It’s not what you think, it’s ice cream.”
She said, “How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?”
He said, “Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?”
What do you call a dead person making ice cream?
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom: Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play.
Son: But mom, there’s no one to play with.”
Mom: “I’ll play with you, what do you wanna play?
Son: Let’s play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed.
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad’s fishing hat and lit up one of his dad’s cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom: Now what do I do?
Son: Get your ass out of bed, you wh#re, and fix that kid some fcuking ice cream.
What did the ice cream cone write on his girlfriend’s Valentine’s Day card?
“You make me melt.”
A janitor is cleaning the church when the priest emerges from the confession booth.
He runs into the janitor and asks him to cover for him because he needs to use the restroom. Unsurprisingly, the janitor informs the priest that he knows nothing about confessions.
The priest hands him a sheet of paper and instructs him to locate the sin on the list, which will inform him how many Hail Marys to say.
So the janitor enters and waits. A gentleman arrives a minute later for his confession.
He confesses, “I’m thinking about cheating on my wife.” The janitor believes it is adultery. He searches for ‘impure thoughts’ on the paper. That’s two Hail Marys.
“That’s not entirely true,” the man says. I’ve already got a mistress.” The janitor reconsiders, says it’s adultery, and consults the paper; that’ll be four Hail Mary’s.
The man then responds, “It’s still not the whole truth.” I’m genuinely seeing another man, and I’ve already given him a blowjob.” The janitor searches the paper for the word “blowjob” but cannot locate it.
He becomes nervous and pokes his head out of the booth, asking for assistance. He eventually spots a small altar boy and asks softly, “What does the priest usually give for a blowjob?”
The little alter boy looks at him and says, “Candy or an ice cream”.
How do you make a dead baby float?
2 scoops of ice cream 1 scoop of dead baby.
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What did the naughty ice cream say to the whipped cream?
“You make me melt every time you’re on top!”
What did the starstruck ice cream say to his lover?
“It was mint to be.”
Why was the ice cream cone always so popular at parties?
Because it knew how to get everyone’s cones-ent to have a good time!
Have a dirty ice cream joke? Go ahead, and share your own adult jokes about ice cream with us in the comment section below!